One of those roles in your life that is super important. You need her to be born. We idealize a mother’s love, but let us not forget how important her love is. Those who have not had a mom, or dealt with mom not being around as much, can point to how that impacted them. Yes, Dads can fill that role to some extent, but not fully. Just as Mom can’t completely fill the role of Dad.
A mother’s role is one of reproductive labor. It’s not ‘productive labor’, like what you get paid for, or produces some product or service for society. No, this is the labor in caring for another person. This is the labor involved in investing in and loving others. This is, often, very mundane labor. Cleaning little bodies and all the stuff, laundry, mop the floor, vacuum, wipe a nose, wipe a bottom, sweep the floor, do more laundry, ad nauseam. Whether she is a stay-at-home-mom and works to do all the things, or she works in the home or outside the home, and does all the things plus some, in that role as MOM, she is primarily doing reproductive labor. And its labor, its work. Don’t let anyone poo-poo the idea that loving others is work. If someone does poo-poo it, I might question who they have really loved.
Mom. Step-mom. Grandma. Great-grandma. I bet your aunt is a mom, your sister might be a mom.
When Adoption is a Thing
For most people, their Mom is their Genetic Mom (who you got your DNA from), their Birth Mom (who gave birth to them) and their Mommy (the woman who raised them). In a not great, awkward, or bad situation, these roles can get mixed up and separated; and so there is adoption. Remember, adoption is something beautiful coming out of some not-great, awkward, or even bad situation. Ideally, these roles are all one, but when one woman can’t be all three, we find adoption.
Today, we honor Moms of all sorts. And for those not-so-common situations, here are some ideas:
From Nightlight Christian Adoption Agency, here are some ideas for loving your child’s Birth Mom well.
How to love your child’s Genetic Mom well?
Many of those ideas from loving your child’s Birth Mom well can carry over to loving your child’s Genetic Mom well. Here are few more of my ideas:
(these ideas are also dependent on how open your relationship is with her)
-a bouquet of flowers
-plant a tree (either in honor of her or for the babies she blessed you with, born or not)
-a card saying Happy Mother’s Day, with a note of the ways she has blessed you
What other ideas do you have? Please share them!
Bob Anconetani says
Rachael, you and your sister never cease to amaze me, thrilled to read and how well I remember the picture
Melissa Murray says
Beautifully written Rachael. How right you are that each parent has such an important role to play in a child’s life. Thank you for sharing.
Deidra Ney says
This site is absolutely fabulous!